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The fear of failure and being found out is so strong because the perfectionist lacks the inner self-worth that can sustain any type of criticism. To be less than perfect is to be fallible, to make mistakes. And when perfectionists make a mistake, they believe others will make the same harsh, rejecting judgments that they make toward themselves. |
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When the part of the perfectionists' self-concept that strongly identifies with this role of being perfect is confronted by the evidence that, to the contrary, they are fallible like everyone else, then following all-or nothing thinking, their inner critic believes that admitting mistakes means that they are not only less than perfect but incompetent and a phony. The reasoning goes like this: "If I think I am a perfectionist but really I am fallible, then I am a phony and my fallibility will be discovered and used to humiliate me. I'm really inadequate." |
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Perfectionists may also feel like impostors because they are able to create a surface picture of competence and control that covers their inner sense of confusion and turmoil. But as they achieve higher levels of responsibility, the fear of finally having their incompetence found out begins to crack the outer pretense of self-assurance. |
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The Driven Perfectionist and the "So What Have You Done for Me lately?" Mentality |
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This type of thinking is generated both from within, as well as from the outward performance-oriented society. |
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Here are some examples of this pressure to perform without pause: Movie and TV stars who, no matter how many films or shows they have made, are "only as good as their last performance"; professional athletes quickly forgotten by the public if they don't stay on top; the author who may have had a best-seller two years ago but feels compelled to repeat his performance for his readers; the boss who makes it clear that the last big sale was great but, "Hey, that was two weeks ago, and what can you do for me today?" |
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The message is clear: "You're only as good as your last victory, sale, or performance. Don't stopkeep pushing for more." But this is heard and experienced by the perfectionist as, "You are only a good (lovable, worthwhile) person if you keep on performing. Don't stop now or you'll turn to dust." To stop performing is to diminish one's sense of self-worth, feel empty, and to have one's identity challenged to the core. |
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